February 18th, 2025
2/18/2025
Hey everyone! Well, it has been a while, and I did think that I was going to write when I was sitting on the beach or by the pool, but I was too damn excited!!! I can tell ya, when I was down there, I was up at 6am and walking… I pretty much did a half marathon a day while I was in Mexico. That trip was so spiritual for me, and I fell in love all over again. I love the health food that is so easily accessible and just how chill everything is down there. I made it to put my feet in the sand every single day that I was down there. And yes, there was a lot of recovery there for me too. I learned a lot about it, which is also why I have learned that I don’t talk about it… it’s anonymous for a reason lol. I mean, we don’t know what we don’t know until we know it. And now that I do know, its my responsibility and duty to do my best to be a message, rather than talk about it.
That was a lesson that took me over a decade to learn, so I do have to and want to respect it. I mean, there were still so many other beautiful parts of my trip. My friend and I went to a café that we got to eat tacos with raccoons!!! And went shopping in a mall with turtles!!! It was all and all a beautiful trip. I came home with my heart full and feeling so full of love.
However, that was also a few weeks ago now. And things have happened. As I am sure a few of you have noticed, I have not posted my blog in almost a month, and I have also not been available the way that I was in the month of January….
Let’s get into it.
I much prefer to let people think what they want about me. But this is something that explains why for the rest of February I am only seeing returning clients… and I am going to be selective on that at that.
Well, I got home, and everything was good as gold, for about a week, I was running every day, going to the gym and eating at home, three meals a day… Like I thought that I was building some good discipline….
Sigh…. Then I woke up one morning and it felt like I had an elephant on my chest (and no, it wasn’t my beautiful tits) … I couldn’t get out of bed, and I lay there thinking about everything that I WASN’T doing… I watched as the day passed and I was just IRRITATED and ANNOYED with everything, and everyone, I avoided my phones and any interactions if I could. I couldn’t eat. Eventually, I made myself get out of bed to go to my obligations that I had, but as soon as that was over, I came right back to bed… the next day, same thing, except, on this morning, I got up, changed pjs and got right back into bed… I felt like I was just being lazy or that it was too cold out. Finally, I reached out to my doctor, and he helped me by asking a series of questions, only to find out that its not “lack of discipline” or not being able to “control my impulses” what I am going through is depression. That was the 13th. It’s been overwhelming for me. It’s been consuming my whole life. I can only do what I can do, and right now, that isn’t all that much.
This depression thing really caught me off guard. Please, I ask for patience and understanding while I adjust to the medication. Oh, and I just remembered, I got sick off the plane ride home from Mexico too… like lovely. It really has been a lovely start to the year, but I do believe it will get better. It is obviously imperative that I take care of myself right now.
With all of this, obviously I haven’t felt like my usual self. I really do not even know how to end this, and there really isn’t any way to, so I am just going to end it here.
Thank you all for reading, and your understanding and patience while time passes and this sorts its self out. Fuck, who would have saw this coming. I most certainly wouldn’t have or didn’t. Sigh. My usual saying, is when we are at our bottom, or feelng our lowest, the only place to go is up. But weeks of feeling this way, sometimes, I remember why I did dr*gs and drank to cope.... but Yay feelings lol... its a privlege to feel and an honor to be able to do life this way now. Actually, February 18th, marks the eight year anniversary of my life changing for the better. Even more yay..... (hope you can sense the sarcasm in my voice there) * eyes rolling*
Hugs,
JJ
